I have a bag with about 100 condoms or so in it in my room right now. Allow me to explain!
The other night I was going to a party, and first I had to stop at a friend of a friend's house, to pick up the 1st-level friend's car. We hung around the 2nd-level friend's house for a while and as we were leaving the 2nd-level friend offered us candy canes. Right now you should ask yourself, is Andrew the kind of guy who would turn down candy canes? The answer of course is "oh hell no, never ever". So the 2nd-level friend went to this big huge salad bowl thing to get some candy canes, and we looked in it and lo and behold it was pretty much completely filled with condoms. I of course made some boring comment to the effect of "wow, there sure are a lot of condoms in there" (resisting any urges to say "are you a big slutbag or something?" that may have existed. Okay I didn't resist anything, I just didn't think of that till later) and the the 2nd level friend was all like "oh yeah, here take some, they expire at the end of the year! give them to the people at your party!" and then proceeded to stuff about 3 or 4 huge handfuls in my 1st-level friend's plastic bag which held a carton of holiday cheer. I think I may have said "we're going to a christmas party, not an orgy!" but I may have only thought of that later, I forget now.
Anyway, so we get to the party and I'm like "hey, just take the carton into the house, don't take the bag full of condoms okay?" but my 1st-level friend for some reason insisted on taking the bag. I was of the opinion that by taking the bag full of condoms in it would turn into one of those things where it would seem like I thought I was doing something funny which was in fact lame, you know? Like on that show Blind Date (the sweetest half hour of awkwardness ever to hit the televisual world) when this guy brought his blind date a can of spam once, cause he was all "wacky". I was also worried I would look like that one person who really loves giving out condoms, you know that person? There are all these people, and I have no clue where they sprang from, who love giving everyone condoms at different events, in some weird sort of "look, I'm into safe sex, I guess I'm not a big prude eh?" thing. I really don't want to seem like that person, that person annoys me.
So, we got inside and my 1st-level friend stuck the bag on the counter for some reason, because I think they DID think it would be really funny or something. Just imagine the fun when everyone sees a big bag full of condoms and starts a conversation about them! High-larious! Then, an hour later my 1st-level friend decided that the party just wasn't a good match for them and left, so the rest of the night I had to explain this whole boring story everytime someone went "why is there a bag full of condoms on the counter?" and someone else said "ANDREW BROUGHT THEM!". I don't know about you, but I get uncomfortable having people think that I regularily bring a huge bag of condoms to christmas parties, it's one of those things about me.
So anyway, there's no really good ending. I ended up bring all the condoms back to my place, and now they're sitting in a plastic bag on my floor. I was trying to think of something funny to do with them but I can't think of anything that great. One thing I thought would be to go to the place I have a post office box at while they're closed and drop them all through the slot and push them back onto the floor, so whoever sorts the mail would be all like "hey overnight someone left 100 condoms on the floor!" and be all confused, but that's kind of lame. Okay it's really lame. But if you think of anything funny to do with 100 or so condoms, let me know, I really feel like I should use these wisely, since when else am I goign to have 100 condoms that I can do something dumb with without going "why did I waste all that money?".
05:53:21 - 1999-12-21