Last weekend I ordered The Movie Network, which is the cable channel in Canada which shows Curb Your Enthusiasm. When I phoned up to order I was put on hold for a while and I made a joke to Sammy that I was going to conduct the whole transaction in a thick, horrible Jamaican accent. Then about 20 seconds later I decided to do the old joke where I pretend I'm not on hold anymore and I say something dumb. I said "ALLO MON, I WANT TO ORDER DA MOVIE NETWORK" in a totally ridiculous, hokey jamaican accent, and of course about half a second later someone said "uhh hello" to me. I was stuck in a horrible predicament where I wasn't sure how much of my ALLO MON... they had actually heard and I just froze for about 5 seconds while I was considering my options. Basically those were to either just continue talking in the jamaican accent and hoping they just thought that was my voice, hang up and call back, or talk in my normal voice and pretend nothing had happened. The sick thing is that I realized at that moment that I have been in the situation before, when someone phoned and I answered with a really dumb voice and then it was some business calling who I couldn't just hang up on (the bank or something I think).
Anyway, I ended up going with the option of talking in my normal voice, but talking very fast which for some reason in my crazed state I thought would make them think "oh, he wasn't talking in an idiotic accent, he just talks very fast". Does this make sense? No. Is this the same reflex I had the other time I was in this situation? Yes. So weird. Anyhow, as I was talking to the lady (who had a thick accent themselves, just adding to my discomfort), I realized: Why am I going out of my way to watch Curb your Enthusiasm, when so many parts of my life are basically just plotlines from that show? This stuff happens so much to me.
One nice thing about having the Movie Network is that now I can talk about movies in my diary that everyone else was talking about a year ago and noone cares about now. I have already watched portions of the following movies: Paparazzi, Dodgeball, The Day after Tomorrow. I watched varying amounts of each, but didn't watch 100% of any, because they were all pretty horrible, to varying degrees. TDAT won for funniest movie, solely for the part where the President of the USA in the movie is faced with a national disaster and then acts swiftly on it and evacuates half the country to Mexico. Then while everyone in the White House is fleeing to a safe climate, he insists on being the last one to leave (the reason for this is uhh.. this movie isn't big on reasons), and finally ends up dying while valiantly doing his job, and he doesn't take a vacation even once during the whole emergency. Awesome job Hollywood, nailed it again!
Okay that is all for now homies.
12:03 a.m. - Oct. 03, 2005