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Adding SSL to Diaryland.
4:43 p.m. - May. 30, 2018
Adding a new entry on the new server
2:03 a.m. - Dec. 22, 2014
There is a little puppy who is so, so tiny. He loves his mummy so much, all he wants to do is smile like she does. There is a problem, the muscles his face uses to smile aren't developed enough yet, because he's still so, so tiny. All he wants to do is smile, but his face won't let him, and it makes him sad.
One day as he is waking up from a nap, his mummy smiles at him. He tries so hard to smile back, but his face won't do it. She tickles his tummy. He tries so hard to smile back, and something happens: It works! He smiles right back at her! He is the happiest little puppy ever, and you can tell because of his smile. His mummy is so happy to see him smile, her eyes start to fill up with tears. The puppy also gets tears in his eyes. They are so happy.
12:58 a.m. - Aug. 09, 2011
There is a cuddly koala and he's walking along the beach looking for his friend. He wants to give his friend a hug, because his friend hurt himself in a skating accident.
Here's his friend! His friend is a penguin. The penguin is wearing a little tiny cast on one of his wings. The koala and the penguin are on a special vacation together. The vacation was the koala's gift to the penguin to cheer him up after he hurt his wing. The koala and the penguin are best friends. The koala makes sure not to hug the penguin too hard, he doesn't want to hurt his wing.
12:53 a.m. - Aug. 09, 2011
Has anyone heard anything about when they're going to start making some movies without Ryan Reynolds?
6:06 p.m. - Aug. 07, 2011
Testing out my new template. Adding a bunch of new templates to Diaryland, this is one I am working on.
Hmm, I see there are a few things I need to fix on this, I will do so later though and see how it looks!
4:12 p.m. - Aug. 07, 2011
I don't want to sound like a big health nut, but part of me almost doesn't want to eat the macadamia nut cookies I forgot in the car overnight along with a dirty diaper that made everything in there stink.
1:58 p.m. - Jun. 07, 2010
You know how John Lennon had that famous quote "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"? I was just thinking: What other plans was John Lennon making that life got in the way of? I mean, it seems like he kind of did okay, you know?
10:59 a.m. - Apr. 20, 2010
I'm sure I have said this before, but wouldn't it be amazing if the big twist on the last episode of LOST was that the whole thing was a documentary the whole time and it really happened! That'd be sweet.
12:21 p.m. - Mar. 22, 2010
I really like this site Instructables that shows you how to make things. I'm on their mailing list, and I just got a mail from them on how to make chocolate space invaders, and my first thought was "I don't want anything invading my chocolate space!". Now that's some crappy humour.
1:43 p.m. - Feb. 18, 2010
I love getting out my winter coat every year and seeing what magical presents Andrew from the past left for Andrew from the present in the pockets.
This year, pretty much like every year that I recall, past Andrew left me a bunch of unused but frayed Kleenex, and a pen. Thanks pal!
12:42 p.m. - Dec. 11, 2009
I watched that movie Twilight the other night. I actually walked in partway into it, so I missed maybe the first 20 minutes, but I saw enough to confidently say that it's a pretty bad movie, pretty darn bad.
Someone told me that the fans of it call themselves Twihards. I said that next time they come up with a name for themselves they should twy harder.
I also saw the Fantastic Mr. Fox in the theater the other day. It was great, but there was a noisy kid very close to me distracting me from a lot of it. I don't understand movie theaters or why I ever go to one, the experience is always so disappointing if there are many people there. And I mean, I don't understand at all how popcorn became the default food for them, it has to be in the top 10% of annoying foods to hear someone eat, absolutely infuriating.
I had something else to add but I don't recall now. Peace out I guess!
p.s. use my comments to recommend any cool places to buy decent xmas gifts online if you like, I am looking for maybe some decent homemade or short run t-shirts or something, stuff like that.
7:48 p.m. - Dec. 07, 2009
I got a new tape recorder that's pretty neat and I was thinking of all the things I could use it for. I got excited that I could put it by my bed and record the thoughts I have when I wake up that disappear a minute or two later but seem so good and useful at the time. I woke up today and this was the thought I had:
Bing Crosby's waving from the outhouse
Know what? I skipped recording that. But who knows, maybe I'll have some better ones in the upcoming days and weeks.
On a somewhat related note, I keep trying to come up with a bucket list lately, which I am pretty sure is the right term for things you want to do before you die. I haven't actually seen that movie so I don't know what the bucket part means, but so far all I have is:
- Watch an IMAX movie
- Get in a chase on horseback
Sometimes I think I lack a little ambition.
12:13 p.m. - Nov. 22, 2009
I went to buy a sub last night at about 11 and it was kind of weird. First of all, the guy who worked there kept saying "Welcome to Subways" to anyone who came in. Apart from that, there was a bigrig truck sitting outside idling, and the driver was inside getting 2 subs. I heard him say something about "no green olives on his, they don't agree with him!" and the guy making the sub said "oh I can imagine". I thought hmm, that's weird that the guy behind the counter acts like he knows what foods would affect this trucker's friend's stomach, I hate empty small talk like that.
It made more sense though when the trucker started to do an impression of what his friend sounded like eating the sub, a really wet "rom rum rom rumrum" sound. And then he turned to me and explained that he was buying the extra sub for his dog. And that it was a chihuahua. We had a little chat, but my favourite part was when I asked him what kind of sub he was buying for his chihuahua and he looked at me like I had said something dumb, because I guess obviously when you buy a sub for a chihuahua it's going to be meatball.
So that was kind of odd. It was raining out too and all the streetlights were reflecting a colored glow on the parking lot and road, and it really felt like I was in Ghost World a little bit or something.
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Today I got a christmas flyer from a music store in the mail. I noticed on the back page stocking stuffers section, they have an electric kazoo for $25. Kazoos normally cost about 2 dollars, so I think the extra $23 represents a cost of $1 per second that anyone who owns one of these will ever use it.
I love that the brand name on it is Solutions. If there has ever been a product that is not a solution to anything, this is it. Unless you are in a band who has a problem that you don't cross over enough with Weird Al fans or maybe people complain all the time that you don't suck hard enough. This is a picture of the electric kazoo:
12:02 p.m. - Nov. 20, 2009
People, I have always been a big fan of S. Britt, one of the greatest illustrators on the internet, and I was so excited to find out he's illustrated a children's book. It's called "Over in the Hollow" and people, it is amazing. The drawings are so fantastic, such a great book.
I am a big fan of things that are spooky and awesome like Mad Monster Party
GOING CRAZY WITH THE LINKS TODAY!
Okay so that's all I can think about to say, just click to the amazon page for the book, it has a bunch of pages you can look at (it looks even sweeter and lusher on paper though). If you have or know kids, you should consider spooking up their lives with this book, it is fantastic, really fantastic.
In totally unrelated news, I had a creepy thing happen a week or so ago. I've been going to the movies now and then this summer on monday and tuesday nights when I am bored. Usually I just remember at about 9:30 at night "hey there's some movie I wouldn't mind seeing", so I go and see it. Well last week I went to see Extract (it was pretty good), and I went into the theater and realized I was the only person there. That's never happened to me, so it was kind of neat. Fifteen minutes into the movie however, someone else came in, he looked like maybe a 40-50 year old man and he sat near the back (I was in the very center of the seats). I started thinking "oh man what if this guy is some pervert who just goes to whatever movie is the emptiest so he can do pervert things", which of course makes no sense, but whatever, the thought crossed my mind. But he didn't do anything perverted that I noticed.
About 30 minutes before the movie ended, I went to check the time on my phone that was in my pants pocket, and something felt weird when I reached in. So I investigated and realized that the pants I was wearing had come undone at the zipper! I know this sounds ridiculous, but I had just grabbed a pair of jeans fast on my way out in case the theater was cold, and since I hadn't worn pants in months I forgot that this pair is old and the button undoes itself sometimes and the zipper just falls down on it's own. I know this sounds insane and made-up, but that's just how those pants are, they undo themselves a lot. I'm surprised they do it when I'm just sitting there, but apparently they do.
So, I tried to do up my pants as subtly as I could without making any kind of arm movements that might look fishy and perverted if you were some guy sitting 6 rows behind me in a theater. I think I succeeded, so I went back to watching the movie, but I kept checking my pants every few minutes in an OCD sort of way. I am already somewhat OCD and check that I still have my wallet/keys/phone about every 2 minutes anytime I am in any public place.
So right near the end of the movie I checked again, and realized that the BUTTON to these pants had come undone now and the zipper was a bit undone too. To be fair, this probably happened cause I kept brushing my hand around them to check they were still done up. So I'm sitting in a theater with my pants undone and the movie is almost over. I was like oh man, what's creepier, having to do up my pants as surreptitiously as possible at the end of a movie, or just sitting there and not leaving when the movie is over until the other guy leaves.
Well it turns out it was a moot point, cause the other guy just sat there and didn't leave. For a minute I was like "screw this, I'm going to wait this guy out and only leave after he leaves", but I just couldn't do it, that idea lasted about 20 seconds, it just felt too creepy. I just did up my pants as quickly as I could and left. I kept thinking too, at least it's good that I noticed that my pants had come undone, cause just getting up at the end of a movie and having your pants fall down would be really really really awkward. Really awkward.
1:20 p.m. - Sept. 22, 2009
Hey actually this is kind of interesting, did you know that ipods keep count of how many times you've listened to every song? Well they do. And here are my top ones:
1. Somehow I have 3 songs by BECK that are the number 1 ones, I don't even know why they are on my ipod, I guess I must have left it playing them on repeat overnight or something once. It's his biggest 3 hits I guess. I saw Beck once right when he was most famous. The guys in the opening band Doo Rag got me in, they were like "if anyone asks you're our guitar tech". I think their guitars were attached to vacuum cleaners and crap. Really crazy sort of Delta blues/noise band, I really liked their CD but don't know where it is now. Their singer ended up going solo, he is Bob Log III.
2. Next up my ipod says I have listened to this band Hollerado a lot more than I probably have, but I do love their album. I saw them open for Redd Kross last year, just caught the last song, at the end of which some guy came up and smashed a guitar onstage with them. I didn't recognize him but it turns out it was Dave Foley from Kids in the Hall. I guess it was a tie-in with this guitar company that sponsors them, I got an email from the guitar company 6 months later that linked to a video of it and I was like "ohhh that's what was happening", and then I downloaded the free album they have up on their website and was like yeah, this is a pretty good album, catchy rock songs and whatever.
3. Marah: an awesome band who I actually saw this weekend twice. I know they used to be from Philadelphia and I'm not sure if they still are, I remember for a while everytime I looked to see if they were touring they seemed to be playing in NYC. Anyway really really great band who are worth listening to (I hate trying to describe music in writing and suck at it). Here's a youtube video of them.
4. The Hold Steady: I just got into this band a year ago and I really like them. I think they're from NYC. One interesting thing about them is they have this running story that goes through a ton of their songs, with certain characters who pop up in a bunch of songs.
5. The Jags: Back of my hand: On man I definitely have listened to this song a lot, I really like it. I got it on this CD of kind of one-hit wonder UK punk-pop music from I think the 70s. CD is called "Starry Eyes" I think, or it might be another CD in the same series as Starry Eyes. I'm surprised this is at like number 5, but who knows. But I may have left it on repeat by accident once.
6. The Best of Dough Sahm and the Sir Douglas Quintet: Weird, I mean I like a lot of these songs, no clue why I'd have listened to them THIS much. Anyway this guy's career goes I think from the 60s onwards, by him.
7. Danielson: Ships. I really dig this album. Danielson is a christian freakout band kind of, and most of the members are brothers and sisters. I really love their stuff. They're one of the few bands who I actually went out of my way to get a documentary DVD about. There are some bands who I don't really want to learn THAT much about cause I just love the music enough, but after seeing a show by these guys and then learning a little bit about them I was just like what is going ON, I am just way too curious. Anyway this is a good song from it. Man I love just linking stuff on youtube it's so easy.
8. The Sound of Music soundtrack - Someone small who I play music for on my ipod a lot loves this. Some of these songs have gotten in my head so bad I pretty much play a little homemade arrangement of DO RE MI half the time I pick up a guitar. I think I have kind of jazzy guitar arrangements of most of the songs on this album worked out now just from diddling away.
Man, I'm tired now, I'm going to go sleep or something. I have a boring ipod. Finding all the links for these bands/songs really took it out of me. Actually just to make it an even 10, the last spot would basically be really really close, tied between the Dead Milkmen, Mott the Hoople, Stephen Malkmus (his latest album is really really good) the New Pornographers, Parliament (really?) and ABBA (yeah I know why).
1:47 a.m. - Aug. 03, 2009
Guys I haven't updated this in so long and I feel bad. I want to say just one thing: hi guys. Maybe I will think of more things to write on the internet later, you know?
1:45 a.m. - Aug. 03, 2009
Just read on some website that next week, Coldplay are releasing a live album for free. There's only one loophole: If you download it, you have to listen to a bunch of Coldplay songs.
zing.
3:22 a.m. - May. 08, 2009
Hey remember how swine flu was really big for a while? Yeah me too. Seems to have blown over now, but I had a nice week though of saying stuff to people like "Ahh, I don't think it can be that bad, I mean my job is actually inspecting farms in Mexico and things are a lot safer down there than you think" and then coughing a lot. Good times.
2:34 p.m. - May. 05, 2009
I had a roller coaster ride of emotions tonight. First I realized that this old drum machine I don't have a power adapter for actually takes batteries. And that people buy these for like $150 and more on Ebay. Then I put in some batteries and it turns out that it doesn't work with them in there anyway and I can't sell it cause it doesn't work.
I mean yeah, I guess if you made those emotions into a roller coaster, it would make for a pretty crappy one, like just one hill. But maybe it'd be good for kids.
1:28 a.m. - Mar. 27, 2009
So I've run into a lot of those Captcha things on a lot of websites (including this one, leave a comment yo!), but this one was especially cute:
I mean on the good side, it's going to definitely keep out any automated bot things or whatever.
2:48 p.m. - Mar. 19, 2009
Hey I had this idea for a science fiction/horror movie a while ago and meant to write it up:
Imagine a world in the not so distant future where humans have developed a machine that will teleport rats to the moon. So there are no rats on earth because they have all been sent to the moon. A ratless world, I like it! And guess what else, the human race has also decided to teleport all the really evil criminals to the moon, like the rapists, murderers, audiophiles, etc.
So the movie is about a guy who gets sent to this rat/murderer-infested moon for a crime he did not commit. And there he is, stuck with all the rats and the jerks, and he has to fight them all and eventually he probably gets off because he has someone on the earth who helps him by proving he is not guilty or maybe taking a spaceship to the moon and getting him off. But they can't go back to earth cause the spaceship is stolen, so where do they go? That's right, Saturn.
That's my movie idea. It's pretty rough, but I mean just sit back, close your eyes and imagine being stuck on a planet filled with rats and killers, it's pretty goddamn scary am I right? Spooks me. I used to live in a basement apartment and there would be raccoons walking outside my window some nights and for some reason I started thinking "what if one of those guys just rushed at my window screen right now and broke in?" and it freaked me out so hard, like just really visualizing a raccoon running around panicking, and then me running around panicking, totally just flipping out with no clue how to get the frigging raccoon out of my apartment, oh man just imagine that. That would be so crazy!
God everytime I look at this page, I scroll down a bit and see that cake I made and it just makes me so happy just remembering how good it tasted and everything. I started eating super healthy and exercising and I don't think I'll ever be able to just lay into a piece of cake that good ever again, goddamnit.
2:12 a.m. - Mar. 01, 2009
Oh by the way I love the half-awake messed up human brain so much. When I woke up this morning for some reason I kept visualizing a pink cadillac made of salmon, like a salmon log or whatever but shaped like a pink cadillac. Someone could get seriously rich off this concept somehow, but I'm just throwing it out there, whoever wants it can have it.
11:42 a.m. - Feb. 11, 2009
The internet: Only place on earth that 20 people can have a month-long argument on how many calories are in a potato. Congrats scientists who invented computers: Mission Accomplished.
11:39 a.m. - Feb. 11, 2009
Imagine if there was a guy who couldn't taste anything but had the world's best sense of smell.
It'd be weird, just saying.
p.s. Noone steal that idea for a book.
Oh hey or what a guy with no feet who was the world's greatest shoemaker. Irony.
6:16 p.m. - Feb. 09, 2009
Guys, if you read my diary then sure, you know some stuff about me, but did you know this: I am a master cake-maker. Well it is a fact, witness my mastery in action:
3:09 p.m. - Jan. 27, 2009
I just watched most of an episode of Criss Angel: Mindfreak. I can't quite figure out why I did this, but I guess it's like, you know how sometimes you are hungry and you feel like steak, and then sometimes you are hungry and you feel like hamburger? Well I was hungry and I felt like watching something on TV while I ate a cold piece of pizza, and there was nothing on but Ultimate Fighting, MAD TV, Runaway Bride, that Pearl Harbor movie, and Criss Angel: Mindfreak. Yeah, saturday nights suck for TV a little bit.
So the stunt that Criss Angel: Mindfreak was doing was that he was inside a car full of explosives whose brakes had been cut, and he had to get out before it went over a cliff. That's not all though, he was also trapped in both a pair of handcuffs and a whole bunch of shitty necklaces and clothes with tacky skulls and crosses all over them. The trick was that he had 13 seconds to get out of the handcuffs, before the car went over a cliff, at which point it was going to slowly roll down a not very steep hill, and explode in the exact way that a car hitting a medium sized rock at about 10 mph obviously would.
He did a practice run without the brakes being cut, and he was able to get out of the handcuffs in 7 seconds. I'm going to tell you something: Escaping from a pair of handcuffs in 7 seconds is not impressive. Escaping from a pair of handcuffs in 90 seconds is impressive. If you can escape from a pair of handcuffs in 90 seconds, it means you are a cool, impressive escape artist who has mastered the art of picking locks. If you can escape from a pair of handcuffs in 7 seconds, it means you know where to buy fake handcuffs.
So Criss Angel: Mindfreak had some celebrity observers on hand for when he did the trick. Professional wrestler Kurt Angle was there because nothing lends more credibility and believability to a magic trick than having it observed by a professional wrestler. They showed Kurt Angle looking solemn before the trick and saying that if Criss Angel: Mindfreak could do this, it would be one of the greatest stunts ever performed. That's right, even greater than when Kurt Angle had to shave his head after losing a hair versus hair match and then start wearing a wig and insulting bald people until Hulk Hogan beat him up and stole his wig. Even greater than that.
Also present at the stunt was the singer from Godsmack, who if you are not familiar with them are one the most important bands to come along in the last 10 years in the genre of horrible, horrible music created for, and by, douchebags with eyebrow rings, little goatees and shitty tattoos. Really, if you are into videos where a bunch of guys in black shirts and leather pants play terrible nu metal inside a cage, interspersed with some close-ups of rats running through underground tunnels or maybe some random tribal or religious imagery, you simply owe it to yourself to check out Godsmack, you will not be disappointed.
The episode ended with Criss Angel: Mindfreak doing the stunt, but not getting out of the handcuffs in time, and the car slowly rolling down the hill and eventually exploding, at which point some rescue crews had a leisurely saunter to the crash and began to hose down the burning car lackadaisically. Then there were about 10 minutes of reaction shots from the crowd and some really convincing shock and astonishment from Kurt Angle, whose acting coach is, I am pretty sure, a former professional wrestler.
I can't imagine what will happen in the next episode, I mean there's a very small chance that maybe Criss Angel: Mindfreak will suddenly appear out of nowhere in the crowd or something, in the way he has done in every single other episode of his show that I have seen, but I think the far more likely scenario is that he did indeed get trapped in the car and die a fiery death, and they will announce this on the next, and final, episode of Criss Angel: Mindfreak.
RIP Criss Angel: Mindfreak, you will be missed.
11:27 p.m. - Jan. 24, 2009