andrew's Diaryland Diary
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Coldplay live album
Just read on some website that next week, Coldplay are releasing a live album for free. There's only one loophole: If you download it, you have to listen to a bunch of Coldplay songs.
zing.
3:22 a.m. - May. 08, 2009
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swine flu
Hey remember how swine flu was really big for a while? Yeah me too. Seems to have blown over now, but I had a nice week though of saying stuff to people like "Ahh, I don't think it can be that bad, I mean my job is actually inspecting farms in Mexico and things are a lot safer down there than you think" and then coughing a lot. Good times.
2:34 p.m. - May. 05, 2009
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drum machine
I had a roller coaster ride of emotions tonight. First I realized that this old drum machine I don't have a power adapter for actually takes batteries. And that people buy these for like $150 and more on Ebay. Then I put in some batteries and it turns out that it doesn't work with them in there anyway and I can't sell it cause it doesn't work.
I mean yeah, I guess if you made those emotions into a roller coaster, it would make for a pretty crappy one, like just one hill. But maybe it'd be good for kids.
1:28 a.m. - Mar. 27, 2009
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nice captcha imo
So I've run into a lot of those Captcha things on a lot of websites (including this one, leave a comment yo!), but this one was especially cute:
I mean on the good side, it's going to definitely keep out any automated bot things or whatever.
2:48 p.m. - Mar. 19, 2009
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movie idea and a whole bunch of random crap you should skip past really.
Hey I had this idea for a science fiction/horror movie a while ago and meant to write it up:
Imagine a world in the not so distant future where humans have developed a machine that will teleport rats to the moon. So there are no rats on earth because they have all been sent to the moon. A ratless world, I like it! And guess what else, the human race has also decided to teleport all the really evil criminals to the moon, like the rapists, murderers, audiophiles, etc.
So the movie is about a guy who gets sent to this rat/murderer-infested moon for a crime he did not commit. And there he is, stuck with all the rats and the jerks, and he has to fight them all and eventually he probably gets off because he has someone on the earth who helps him by proving he is not guilty or maybe taking a spaceship to the moon and getting him off. But they can't go back to earth cause the spaceship is stolen, so where do they go? That's right, Saturn.
That's my movie idea. It's pretty rough, but I mean just sit back, close your eyes and imagine being stuck on a planet filled with rats and killers, it's pretty goddamn scary am I right? Spooks me. I used to live in a basement apartment and there would be raccoons walking outside my window some nights and for some reason I started thinking "what if one of those guys just rushed at my window screen right now and broke in?" and it freaked me out so hard, like just really visualizing a raccoon running around panicking, and then me running around panicking, totally just flipping out with no clue how to get the frigging raccoon out of my apartment, oh man just imagine that. That would be so crazy!
God everytime I look at this page, I scroll down a bit and see that cake I made and it just makes me so happy just remembering how good it tasted and everything. I started eating super healthy and exercising and I don't think I'll ever be able to just lay into a piece of cake that good ever again, goddamnit.
2:12 a.m. - Mar. 01, 2009
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pink cadillac salmon log
Oh by the way I love the half-awake messed up human brain so much. When I woke up this morning for some reason I kept visualizing a pink cadillac made of salmon, like a salmon log or whatever but shaped like a pink cadillac. Someone could get seriously rich off this concept somehow, but I'm just throwing it out there, whoever wants it can have it.
11:42 a.m. - Feb. 11, 2009
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internet
The internet: Only place on earth that 20 people can have a month-long argument on how many calories are in a potato. Congrats scientists who invented computers: Mission Accomplished.
11:39 a.m. - Feb. 11, 2009
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smell taste
Imagine if there was a guy who couldn't taste anything but had the world's best sense of smell.
It'd be weird, just saying.
p.s. Noone steal that idea for a book.
Oh hey or what a guy with no feet who was the world's greatest shoemaker. Irony.
6:16 p.m. - Feb. 09, 2009
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I made a super duper cake
Guys, if you read my diary then sure, you know some stuff about me, but did you know this: I am a master cake-maker. Well it is a fact, witness my mastery in action:
3:09 p.m. - Jan. 27, 2009
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Criss Angel: Mindfreak!!!!!!!!!!!
I just watched most of an episode of Criss Angel: Mindfreak. I can't quite figure out why I did this, but I guess it's like, you know how sometimes you are hungry and you feel like steak, and then sometimes you are hungry and you feel like hamburger? Well I was hungry and I felt like watching something on TV while I ate a cold piece of pizza, and there was nothing on but Ultimate Fighting, MAD TV, Runaway Bride, that Pearl Harbor movie, and Criss Angel: Mindfreak. Yeah, saturday nights suck for TV a little bit.
So the stunt that Criss Angel: Mindfreak was doing was that he was inside a car full of explosives whose brakes had been cut, and he had to get out before it went over a cliff. That's not all though, he was also trapped in both a pair of handcuffs and a whole bunch of shitty necklaces and clothes with tacky skulls and crosses all over them. The trick was that he had 13 seconds to get out of the handcuffs, before the car went over a cliff, at which point it was going to slowly roll down a not very steep hill, and explode in the exact way that a car hitting a medium sized rock at about 10 mph obviously would.
He did a practice run without the brakes being cut, and he was able to get out of the handcuffs in 7 seconds. I'm going to tell you something: Escaping from a pair of handcuffs in 7 seconds is not impressive. Escaping from a pair of handcuffs in 90 seconds is impressive. If you can escape from a pair of handcuffs in 90 seconds, it means you are a cool, impressive escape artist who has mastered the art of picking locks. If you can escape from a pair of handcuffs in 7 seconds, it means you know where to buy fake handcuffs.
So Criss Angel: Mindfreak had some celebrity observers on hand for when he did the trick. Professional wrestler Kurt Angle was there because nothing lends more credibility and believability to a magic trick than having it observed by a professional wrestler. They showed Kurt Angle looking solemn before the trick and saying that if Criss Angel: Mindfreak could do this, it would be one of the greatest stunts ever performed. That's right, even greater than when Kurt Angle had to shave his head after losing a hair versus hair match and then start wearing a wig and insulting bald people until Hulk Hogan beat him up and stole his wig. Even greater than that.
Also present at the stunt was the singer from Godsmack, who if you are not familiar with them are one the most important bands to come along in the last 10 years in the genre of horrible, horrible music created for, and by, douchebags with eyebrow rings, little goatees and shitty tattoos. Really, if you are into videos where a bunch of guys in black shirts and leather pants play terrible nu metal inside a cage, interspersed with some close-ups of rats running through underground tunnels or maybe some random tribal or religious imagery, you simply owe it to yourself to check out Godsmack, you will not be disappointed.
The episode ended with Criss Angel: Mindfreak doing the stunt, but not getting out of the handcuffs in time, and the car slowly rolling down the hill and eventually exploding, at which point some rescue crews had a leisurely saunter to the crash and began to hose down the burning car lackadaisically. Then there were about 10 minutes of reaction shots from the crowd and some really convincing shock and astonishment from Kurt Angle, whose acting coach is, I am pretty sure, a former professional wrestler.
I can't imagine what will happen in the next episode, I mean there's a very small chance that maybe Criss Angel: Mindfreak will suddenly appear out of nowhere in the crowd or something, in the way he has done in every single other episode of his show that I have seen, but I think the far more likely scenario is that he did indeed get trapped in the car and die a fiery death, and they will announce this on the next, and final, episode of Criss Angel: Mindfreak.
RIP Criss Angel: Mindfreak, you will be missed.
11:27 p.m. - Jan. 24, 2009
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